A Rebirth Into Infinity

11/16/2021:

Heroic dose (7.377 grams) of psilocybin mushroom (Penisenvy). 

I now have a new appreciation for the Buddhist teachings… Shinzen’s hardcore dharma, Focus on Flow, Focus on Change, the dharma of the sleeping Buddha dreaming the universe into being, then smiling, knowing that All There Is is a big fucking joke. It can’t be this easy! Really?! It’s like being in an Alex Grey painting–the Theologue, like the Tibetan thangkas with Buddhas manifesting all possible universes, dreaming them into existence…

It felt like forever… reality, spacetime, looping like a never ending inception movie, false awakenings, the formless womb regurgitating the universe into existence & non existence, moving through hyperspace, passing through the Bhanga, primordial feeling of disgust, dissolving back into the  formless womb, only to be spit out into infinity again & again & again. there is nowhere to go, nowhere to run, nowhere turn to. this is it. a dream within a dream within a dream…. The Source of All There Is, spitting, vomiting, yawning, exhaling, burping, farting, manifesting, Infinite bliss… Infinite horror… Infinite longing… Infinite loneliness… 

What if I don’t get back to my family? yes, i have a family. a wife who loves me & a son we love so much… I have to get back… the story is not yet over. I have to be back for my flight. must get out of this infinite loop…. to contract into spacetime… Love brought me back to the stability of this reality…. back in the room where Jonathan was patiently waiting for me to come out of my 5-hour psychedelic trip.

It was a near-death experience, a taste of Infinity, a journey from the Source of All There Is into this contracted reality.

I now have a new compass to pursue my hardcore dharma practice. To Infinity, and beyond here be dragons…