~C4Chaos Says FAQ Me

Since this blogger-body-mind is undergoing a radically-hip-evolutionary-fluffy transformative translation, I thought of revamping my cheesy old Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ).

The seed of this idea came from Scott Adams when he asked his millions of readers to pin him down with his opinions. Groovy, Uncle Scott. Just groovy. So in the spirit of participatory revolution, here I am transcending and including that idea. I would like to ask my ten (10) readers to help me build an uber-hyper-evolving FAQ section. This FAQ section will be dynamic. I will constantly update this and link to this on the main page of this blog.

So go ahead, ask any questions. I give you no guarantee that I will answer everything, but for what it’s worth, I will attempt to answer them with authentic interiority and a dash of chaotic smugness. ~C is not for Cute and Cuddly. Thanks and be gentle.


Matthew asks: “What is your ladyfriend’s name, where does she live, and why do you love me so much? DYB!”

I call her ~myDakini. She lives in my heart. I love you so much because you love me too. Right back at yah!.

Matthew asks: “How come I can’t add hypertext to my words, but you can to yours? Is Zaadz’s a better textbox in your opinion?”

Um, eat this! Then read this. I see that this is a trick question to shamelessly plug your Zaadz Blog! This will not be tolerated!

Matthew asks: “…Be specific (as in, “yes, my heart lives in the Filipines” or something).”

You spelled Philippines wrong. I choose to ignore your other boring questions. You troll! Now where is my Troll Kolektor?

A super hot female asks: “Is there anyway to add notifications to this blog? Matthew is sexy! I think he’s the most interesting person around.”

Shut the f*ck up Matthew! I can see right through you! No “Super Hot Female” ever reads this blog! Except for ~myDakini.

Tom Armstrong asks: “Are you Buddhist or not?”

Yes, and more. But you can also call me Buddhist++ for short.

“Is authentic interiority the same as buddha-nature?”

Yes. Because everything is buddha-nature.

“A test will determine what seventeen people in the world are best suited to being your friends. How much money would you be willing to accept/pay to exchange your current friends for people who, truly, would be perfect for you?”

ZERO. Because friendship is FREE and PRICELE$$.

“Ken Wilber offers you the Teal Pill. No more need to stive to overcome suffering and become wonderful, this simple pill does it all for you, boosting you to the Spiritual Pinnacle. Would you swallow the pill if it was safe and effective but made from animal byproducts?”

I’d take it in a heart beat. But you forgot to mention if it’s free or not.

“For a two-week period, God will allow you to exist without a conscience. You’ll be free to do anything you want with no pangs of regret or shame. No matter what happens, you will feel good about yourself. After the end of the period, you will be allowed to decide whether you want to switch back to who you were, or remain a psychopath. Would you take God up on his offer?”

Yes. I’ve always wanted to have passionate sex with Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, all at the same time, seven days a week. Two weeks should be just right. Then I’ll choose to switch back. But you forgot to mention if I’d get to keep the memories of those events or not.

“Ceefour, re 2 wks as a psychopath: You get to keep the memories of being a psychopath. But of course your decision to revert back to who you now are would be decided, not by you, but by the psychopathic you.”

But I’m already a psychopath to begin with, and so are you. That’s why you read me. But don’t be cute and call me “Ceefour,” it’s ~C4Chaos to you, or ~C4無秩序 if you can speak, write, or read Kanji.

Brondu asks: “Where did Damn you Banana start/come from?”

It all started with Matthew’s lame performative contradicting Top Ten List. Matthew explained the origin of DYB in his blog post.

“How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand? Bob Dylan asks that to a lot of people. Very frequently asked if you ask me.”

I won’t answer that. I’m not a freakin’ hippie. I don’t care about Dylan. SRV is my idol.

“Do you reserve entire nights for video games? Watch Late Night TV?”

I used to. I don’t own a TV. In short, I grew up.

“Eat breaded chicken by accident?”

By purpose. I eat more breaded shrimp. Like shrimp tempura rolls.

“Have nightmares about burgers ever since you turned semi-vegetarian?”

No. I’m not semi-vegetarian. I’m vegetarianatkinstarian and then some. But if you’re a vegan who can read Kanji, check this. It rocks!

“Drink gatorade?”

Used to.

“Read Watership Down?”

WTF is that?

“See the beauty of the Ferret?”

Hell, yes.

“Sit quiet in blizzards as spiritual practice?”

No. I hate cold.

“Do any spiritual practice?”

I blog.

“Count everything you do as spiritual practice?”

No. Not even masturbation.

“Feel free to fart around others as long as it is in your own house?”

No. I’m shy and I’ve got ethics.

“Have the President’s e-mail address?”

No. But I have his mailing address and telephone numbers. Are you talking about Canada?

“Have Scarlett Johansson’s e-mail address? Entertain notions of acquiring the aforementioned debatably-sexiest-woman-alive‘s e-mail address? Care about celebrity e-mail addresses?”

I wish. Yes. No.

“Do you own your own house?”


“What’s your policy on swearing or disgusting topics?”

Depends on the context and your target audience. There is such a thing as targeted disgust and cussing. Brood upon this.

“What would you never allow out of your mouth?”


“Do you ever blog about troubled bowl movements?”

If and when I get it, I’ll blog about it. Is pissing ok?

“Do you know the meaning of life?”

I believe I do. If you don’t believe me, you can believe what other people are saying about what they believe the meaning of life is.

“What is your relationship to shame?”

I’m shy and self-conscious in person. That’s why I blog.

“Is guilt ever worth it?”

Yes. For a while. Then you move on.

“On a scale of 1 to 10 how awesome is passion?”


“Kosmocentrically speaking, how much of an impact do you believe you are having?

Only time will tell. But if I’m having an impact on you then my time has been worthwhile.

“If Douglas Adams died young, does this mean pretty much anyone could die young?”

Yes. Do aborted babies count?

“Would you ever take the place of Dr. Laura? Is it morally wrong to take the place of Dr. Laura? Do you know who Dr. Laura is? Kosmocentrically speaking, what is the origin of Dr. Laura?”

No. I prefer Dr. Ruth. For a fluffier advice column, check out Cary Tennis.

“What is your opinion on legalizing marijuana?”

Why the f*ck do you care when you live in Canada? But to answer your question, I think the government should look at The Netherlands. And no, I don’t use marijuana, or any illegal drugs. Never have. But I’m open to new experiences. But no, I won’t join you.

“What is your opinion on giving political opinions?”

It’s a good thing.

“What is without an opposite?”

Stuart Davis says Love. I think he’s onto something.

“Fourteen days ago I petted a dog on the forehead. Could this start a hurricane in China or not?”

Twenty-seven years ago I petted a dog on the back. He bit me. I still have the marks. So my answer is yes.

“What is my real name?”

Who the f*ck cares?!

“Is it too subjective to postulate how serious I am right now? I’ll shut up.”

I think you’re serious and you care that’s why I took the time to answer all your crap. Thanks for shutting the fart up.

steve asks: “What year will we hit the Singularity?”


Vince rebutts: “Correction on the singularity date dawg, according to Kurzweil it’s 2045, not 2025… ;)”

“I set the date for the Singularity–representing a profound and disruptive transformation in human capability–as 2045. The nonbiological intelligence created in that year will be one billion times more powerful than all human intelligence today” – The Singularity is Near, p 136.”

Dawg, the dude asked me. Last time I checked I’m not Ray freakin’ Kurzweil. So my answer is 2025. Dig? Watch me.

ken wilber asks: “hey buddy, i’m not sure what stunt you’re trying to pull here, but i’ll play along. those street drugs are not working at the moment… so, can you give me the top 4 reasons why you’re doing all this shit?”

Holy AQAL-man! Is it really you?! the KW?! Ok, I’ll pretend not to be giddy as a school girl and answer your questions with my authentic perspectives beer-goggles.

#1 — My ulimate cause is actually to let the whole of samsara know that Voltron is a copycat!

#2 — I really dig your Integral Theory and it has changed me a lot. In fact, it turned me into a fluffy monster. So if I step on your toes from time to time, you only have your Original Face to blame.

#3 — Blogging is my spiritual practice. It’s more effective than those lame 1-minute module thingies, ugh! I really think you should add kosmic blogging to your ILP 2.0, otherwise you’d be doing RETICULUM REX a disservice and will only negatively contribute to the calculus of our collective torment. You dig?

Speaking of RETICULUM REX, I think you should also seriously consider this: Creative Integral Commons.

#4 — Because blogging is a lot better than street dugs and pissing in the snow. And it’s legal and ethical too.

“tell me, honestly, are you competing with Integral Naked (IN)?”

Hell, no! I’ve just outgrown my juvenile fascination with the IN forum. People there are cool but they’re too wimpy for my taste. All talk. Too heady. Too geeky. No action. Phooey! Not very fluffy. I tried to get them into blogging, but most of them chose to cower within their so-called integral walled garden. I say that’s classic BOOMERITIS. Or maybe, they’re just clueless. But I won’t degenerate into name calling. Patience is not my strongest virtue. But I’m still a proud member of IN, because the What’s New section is still steaming cool.

“are you competing with Integral Institute (I-I)?”

Hell, no! In fact, I’ve been patiently awaiting its launch since time immemorial.

“because when it launches this Spring, i think it will make you look like a fool.”

With all due respect, it’s almost Spring already, you’ve been saying that since… There I can’t even remember. But I still have faith in you and your groovy I-I crew. Then again one earth year is equivalent to 1,000,000 in blogging years so by the time you launch, ~C4Chaos will be like,,,,UNICRON! And we all know that even The Multiplex is no match for that!

“or probably you’re doing all of this just to get noticed by my good buddies, the Wachowskis?”

Hmmm… Thanks for the idea! I never thought of that. But before I become a groovy Hollywood material, I need to get noticed first by Scott, Boing Boing, Slashdot, and WIRED. When I’m done with all of those, then yeah, you can be my agent. And don’t worry, when I get interviewed by WIRED, I’ll do a Clinton move and name-drop you too. Then you’d be more popular because the Pop Culture doesn’t care about World Economic Forums and geeky Ultimate Matrix documentaries.

“and why the f*ck are you trying so hard to get me into blogging when i already repeatedly said that i ain’t got no time?”

Because I think you’re missing a lot here, Ken. I don’t buy that “I ain’t got no time” crap of yours. Matthew is right. You’re a freakin’ writer! What’s two or three sentences per day?! You don’t have to defend AQAL, or write another book fer Chrissake! Just give us some samples of your interiority, your authenticity, your poetry, your humanity — your Simple Feeling of Being and One Taste, in blog form. Not everyone can write stuff while their brainwaves are down to ZERO, you know.

“but here’s the most important question… it’s been driving me nuts lately everytime i look into the mirror… so, on the scale of 1 to 10, how hot do you think i am? i have a feeling that you’re doing all of this for me.”

9! I instinctively uttered that, not in a brokeback way. You may be hot with the ladies, nimfadoros, and effeminate men, but don’t let your ego grow big and rut, cause you’re still NOT ALL THAT!

Fart! Is this a trick question?! I smell something fishy here. I think you’re a poser and a fraud. Is it you again, Matthew? That last question was a giveaway. Ken would never ask that because he’s too humble and Selfless. So please don’t pull this trick again. Understand that I answered all your questions because they were relevant and entertaining.

Matthew rants: “I think it’s funny though that you thought it was me… we already know KW “essentially agrees with” me. In fact, for about ten years, I’ve had this suspicion that Ken has hired someone to follow me around with a notepad. In fact, I think I came up with “A Brief History of Everything” while I was singing in the shower one day. When I turned off the water, I could have sworn I heard the door slam, but I figured it was just my imagination. Hmm…”

I think this is one of those rare instances in which you make sense.

“So good guess on thinking it was me, but KW and I just think alike. We’re not actually the same person like you and Scott Adams. Oh, but I’m supposed to be asking a question, so what’s your take on the inevitability of you losing to me in a game/tournement of wits?”

I think you’ve just proven my point. You misspelled tournament. Here’s a Dilberito. Feel free to shove it up your nose. Don’t worry, it’s made of yummy tasting veggies, and backed by enlightened capitalism.

“What?! That’s how you spell tournament?? Well, I’ll be damned! Best 2 out 3?”

You blew your one and only chance! Now be gone like a bad dream! It will be good for you. Just stay home with your tasty chihuahua. And give my regards to Ayako, because unlike you, she IS cool. ~C4無秩序 and Asian babes rule!

Victoria observes: “Couldn’t have been Ken in that question though. He would never worry that anything or anyone is competing with IN or II. That last questions however, sounds a bit like his sidekick. Can’t you just hear Stu asking if you think he’s hot?!?”

I don’t think it’s Stu. He rocks, but he’s not that witty. Plus, he cusses a lot, sleeps with hundreds of people, a babymaka machine, and believes in aliens. Like I said, not that witty. But to answer your question on whether Stu is hot or not, I say neither. He’s a nimfadoro, and he admits it to his teeth.

~Matthew asks: “Ok, so NOW which textbox is better? Zaadz’s or typepad’s?”

This is a tough call. However, as of this writing, I personally think Typepad is better since I can easily switch from rich text editing to plain text editing. I like editing in plain text. For now, Zaadz text box will only allow you to do plain text editing by manually turning off Javascript on your browser. Now if Zaadz text box would have a button to easily swtich from rich text to plain text editing then Zaadz will be BETTER.

What da?! Is this another ploy to pimp Zaadz? This will not be tolerated!

Next question! (please don’t be boring like ~Matthew and Brondu).

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